Dear Bro,

Loving means letting him go, if all else fails.

The day we met is just a simple introduction as part of frehman thing/ritual. No fancy meeting. No single hi’s nor hello’s.
We just talked when it is related to our lessons. It is more on classmate over classmate agenda.

The day we got close happens when we’re in our last year in school,  maybe because we known for almost four years and maybe it’s enough to conclude that we have some things in common. We tried to talked and laughed over trivial things. . .until we develop a brotherly and sisterly friendship…and that’s were I started to fall in love with you.

Yes. Love. I love your smiles, your stories, your drawings, your songs, your poems. The way you sing, the way you strum your guitar cords, how you paint or you draw. Everything. I feel addicted that every moments (simple moments)with you,  I always treasured it. A simple ” hi sis” makes my day. Until we parted our ways.

Six years passed.
I heard you have a relationship and I have also my life. So I forgot all the inhibitions I have towards you. Not until fateful July came,   when we crossed paths again.

We talked like we never parted ways.
We reminisced how we spent our *&*&* days together.
And you open up how you feel towards me,  and you told me that you like me and I ask for some time for me to think the matter. For I am afraid to risk our friendship over a relationship. For God knows how I waited for that moment to happen.  You said you’ll have to wait. And I believe in you.
But a tragic moment happened that changed your life forever…
I never prepared for it to happen nor I expect that it will be the beginning that you’ll drifted apart. I assumed some things, thought of every possibilities,  said some things that I assume not to take seriously and I concluded that there will be no US that will happen.

I got home for a holiday break and unexpectedly we met.
We have our small talk like meeting an old acquaintance and bid goodbye. And I never expected that it will be our last meeting too.
I thought we are okay. I thought I made a right decision. But I was wronged. Totally wronged.

You hated me. You never gave me a chance to explain nor you gave a time to listen.  You despised me for breaking a promise. You closed your doors.

Five years passed.
The pain still remains.
I am still affected. I am still hoping we can talked and reconciled, but knowing you find someone and how much you love her, I give up my hopes.
I’m trying to forget, but the scars remains.
I try to have some life, move on and love again, but your memories still linger.

Yeah, loving means letting you go, cliché goes.
I know I have to, but I don’t know if I can-
Totally get over you.
It still hurts, Bro.

My word of the night

“As life toss and twists us, still we can create a beautiful knot out of it…”

I don’t know how I can explain it further, but the idea of hand-pulled noodles is on my mind tonight. I am not hungry neither I am planning to take my dinner after. I am not in the mood to eat because of two reasons : one of my tooth needs an extraction but I am hesitant to go to a dentist (thinking of anesthesia makes me more hesitant), second I am not used of spending the night…alone.

(I don’t know why the passage above comes into my mind, but I just want to convey that there’s a beauty in every down moments. Never mind the hand pulled noodles.)