Questions

Paano ba maging ulirang nanay? O ano ba ako bilang nanay?

In this phase of my life I am asking my self this questions. How to become a good mother? Is it enough that you give him his basic needs and show love and care? Or can I care and loved him the way he expected it to be? Am I the strict or lax mom?

A lot of questions keep rummaging my mind and I have no particular answers. I can read books on how and what to do but knowing that lectures and theories doesn’t makes sense if you have no experience then what I can only do is to hope and pray that someday I can be a good mom to my son.

Being a mom does not requires degree or any educational attainment but they say it is literally a hardwork. I gave up my dreams of having a degree on this phase and it was heartbreaking. The moment I stared at the two lines, I cried and asked myself what will happen to my dreams, I am almost on the top and I stumbled. There were days that I regret and ask the “what ifs” but I know it will only make me insane and bitter…so I cried and move on. Acceptance takes days and months but I act as normal as I am. There were times I hide and denial but I know time will come I will be healed.

“Ano ba ako bilang nanay? “There will be maybe and perhaps but only my son can answer it…and when that time comes, I am hoping he can something good about it.

“Paano ba maging nanay?” It is when you give up your personal dreams and become selfless.

Advertisements

Reality

I will only count weeks that I can see your smile

I maybe not brave enough to conquer the pains

I maybe weak to accept that things will not be go on as planned

I am too dumb to fight and face the world

I am hesitant and in-between

I am not good as others do…

But,

Having you is a life that everyone envies

A life that completes someone being

Your smile will warms my heart

And your cries will be my lullaby

You will be loved and beloved

For you are a gift

My special Gift.

Hibernate

I stop dreaming.

I stop thinking what future holds me,

I set aside my plans

I try to forget the things that has been scribbled on my bucketlist

I close doors…

But on the other end,

I open myself up and embrace life within me

That dreams,goals and plans are not solely mine

This time it is ours…