Pangarap

Dati isa din ako sa nangarap,

Naghangad, naniwala

Na sa bawat hakbang ko, sa bawat kilos ko

May mararating ako

Lisanin ang dating pook kung saan ako nalulugmok

May pighati, walang pag-asa

Ang daming luhang umagos

Dugo at pawis

Bagkus tumayo ako at nagsimula muli

Bumangon at hinarap ang bukas

Na may pag-asa, determinasyon

At muling sinubukan na mangarap.

Hanggang nakamit ko ang inaasam-asam

Na tagumpay at kaligayahan.

Pangarap na minsan di ko akalain

Na maging akin.

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To my dearest

My dearest Gift,

Life outside your world is ironic in nature.

Some sow love while others are in pain

Others are hopeless yet positivity comes in after the rain

There are beauty in the midst of murky waters

Laughter coming from a person who gets hurt

Sorrow after the happiest moment

…But even the world seems absurd and horrible

Rest assured that you are safe,

My heart will be your heaven

And my hand will be your haven.

I will be your friend and light

Even no one in sight.

I love you my Gift.

No

The biggest decision of my life is saying no to my biggest dream.

I feel shattered and broken.

I pity myself for not being careful.

I can feel failure slapping my face

The feeling that you are almost near yet it seems far-fetched.

I want to cry and hide

But cliche,life will go on.

There will be a different path to take,

This time a little longer

But I’m hopeful I can get back on the trail again–to my greatest dream.

#sumablayperosasablay2019

Kisses and Kicks

Your kicks tickle my senses

Like popcorn pops and the aroma feels the air.

Like someone poke me then suddenly disappear

As if you giggle then stop because you are caught

The feeling is fleeting–

But for me it was the happiest and I can’t wait to hold you in my arms…

And give you hundred of butterfly kisses.

Gift

You are my unexpected twist and turn

Before life was a set of patterns,

Crafted meticulously, and followed earnestly.

But all the patterns,models and plans has faded,

When you showed on that fateful morning of September–

unannounced like a thief of the night.

You changed the idea of success and true happiness

That life is not about living with numbers

Nor playing of words

Life is beyond imagination, life is beautiful

Together with you.

You came and complete my inner soul

A song to my broken heart

The music of my silence

You fill the gap of my being.

Gift, you are the reason of my existence

You are my life.

Pangarap

This afternoon, on my way to school I passed by at the church and saw two figures–a child who is jumping and pointing to an airplane saying, “oh eroplano ma oh,nakakakita na ako ng eroplano” and a mom who hold his hand. His words pinched my heart, for years ago, I said the same thing.

Hailed from the mountain, it was, that time unbelievable that I can ride a plane for no one in my family works in Manila. I have an aunt in Davao but it is also far fetched that I can visit it. So,when the plane passed by on our place we (I and my friends or classmates) ran outside and looked at the sky and I can imagine our happy faces. Or even we just heard the buzzing sound and assumed that behind the clouds there is an airplane.I also wondered and asked “makasakay din kaya ako ng eroplano?” “Malaki kaya yan?” Many random questions that I kept and forget. In the province, riding an airplane is a luxury and I can say it’s included in everyone wishlist.

Now, I just smile at the thought. Dreams do come true so don’t ever stop dreaming.

Mangarap.

Magsikap.

Magtiwala.

*Yes, I got my dream when we have a fieldtrip in Manila (which I begged Mama to allow me) and I visit Davao too.*

Choices

At this moment I ask myself, “do I make a right choice?”

I have given all my life despite the signs and warnings that I have observed, believing that people change and prayers can be answered in the right time. But maybe,there is also unanswered prayers that I fool myself in believing into it. I forgive for hundred times and cried nth time for the pain that I have felt. I keep my mouth shut and remain in silence, assuming that things will be alright.

But,at some point I feel betrayed.

I gave up all my dreams and focus into one. I didn’t submit myself to anyone and believe in destiny yet it dawned to me that in this ordeal it was only me that remained faithful. I lower my standard and eat my pride to accept the flaws and imperfections but I am the one that lose. I am the one who is submissive enough and been manipulated…and I hate it. I am not used into it but I am the one who lead myself into this situation.

Now, I have to face the consequences and I don’t know how to start or to end. I don’t know how to run away and never look back. I don’t know how. I don’t even know where to go.

I am lost.

Did I make a right choice?

At this moment, I am searching for the answers and hoping I can find my old self–again.